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Joke of the Day

"I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook."

"I am the janitor of the World Trade center back in 2001 - AmA Edit: Wow this *blew* up."

"Where's the best place to hide after committing a murder? Behind a badge."

"Really, iTunes? You need to update my calculator app? Have there been changes to basic math that I'm unaware of?"

"How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the dashboard."

"What do you get when you put an idiot's brain in a female golden retriever? A dumb blonde bitch."

"America is basically a free country... you'd just have to inherit 19 trillion dollars in debt"

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""

"Microwave Whats the hardest thing about microwaving vegtables? -fitting the wheelchair in the microwave."

"What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly? For-Mal-To-Hide."