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Joke of the Day

"Who will Donald Trump blame when he loses the presidential bid? Of course every Juan!"

"I work at my stepfather's store. You think your boss is an asshole? Mine fucks my mom. - Cole Y."

"Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift."

"I named my dog Herpes... If she's good, she'll heel. (Stolen from Priscilla)"

"I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed."

"[wife explaining to me how deaths in movies work] So the actors really don't die? ""No"" So is Abraham Lincoln really not dead? *she sighs*"

"look. alls I'm saying is, with that many extremist in one single location, we'd be crazy NOT to take the X-Games to the Middle East. what?"

"Bill Cosby and Ben Roethlisberger walk into a bar... I don't remember what happened next."

"How many ninjas are in this room? As many as want to be!"

"""I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them."" (Lay-Z)"