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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football Doctor: It's okay take these pills Patient: No way tomorrow is the final"

"""You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping"" is the title of my autobiography."

"Why did the suicidal man cross the road? Because he wanted to play chicken."

"If heaven is real the only question i have for god is how many times was my chinese food a cat"

"How many population geneticists does it take to change a light bulb? It's independent of population size."

"Boss: Got good news & bad news. Me: Ya? Him: I'm leaving for another job. Me: Ok..Whats the bad news? Him: .. Me: You planning to come back?"

"I just flushed a stink bug down the toilet along with the dump. Who's the stink bug now, Bitch?"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... ...Nobody likes the dark ones."

"Before you get into an argument with someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when the argument starts you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"Tried changing my password to ""14days"" but it was two week"