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Joke of the Day

"Karma is like 69. You get what you give."

"My girlfriend left me for telling too many bad jokes... I guess her love was pun-conditional."

"The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize."

"Children are so unappreciative these days. I bought my daughter a rabbit. She just keeps complaining about how it ""doesn't count if it's roadkill""."

"[in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang"

"What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon"

"Just checked out Jian Ghomeshi's band Moxy Fruvous for the first time... Not bad. That guy can really keep a beat."

"A terrorist invites his socially awkward friend to a party ""C'mon,"" he said, ""It'll be a blast."""

"Tell the dude at Starbucks your name is Poison Coffee, and when he calls your name, fall out of your chair onto the floor."

"Still good at casually flexing my bicep the second before a girl touches it."