9577

Joke of the Day

"I will punch you in the face. OK not really - but I will roll my eyes at you, hard."

"What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common? They can both be fixed with a coat hanger."

"What did the physicist have for lunch? Fission chips."

"What's the difference a Whore and a Bitch? A Whore will fuck anybody, a Bitch will fuck anybody but me."

"I've never seen an ""outtie"" belly button in all the years of porn I've watched. I'm kinda glad, I don't want my eyes to get poked out."

"What does Mario wear? Denim denim denim"

"A man falls in love with a nun and they run away together... The church says it doesn't mind, as long as he doesn't get into the habit."

"[Cruise ship] ""HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK"" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff"

"Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? He doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a chicken."

"If the employees in your human resources department were all very into Aleutian sea birds. . . Around Christmas time, everyone would be sending HR Puffin Stuff."