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Joke of the Day

"If the employees in your human resources department were all very into Aleutian sea birds. . . Around Christmas time, everyone would be sending HR Puffin Stuff."

"I dont make typos. I make new words."

"On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods."

"What did Gandalf say to the guy with a shy bladder? ""You shall not piss."""

"My New Year's resolution is *removes sunglasses* 2048x1080. I'll explain. *perches on desk* You see, the word 'resolution' can also refer t"

"What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend? Don't be koi."

"Yo guys, does it smell like updog in here to you?"

"What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two, and now it's a really touchy subject. Edit: I am can't word goodly."

"One day, I made instant coffee in my microwave. I nearly went back in time. - Steven Wright"

"My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!"