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Joke of the Day

"If the employees in your human resources department were all very into Aleutian sea birds. . . Around Christmas time, everyone would be sending HR Puffin Stuff."

"How can you tell if a Mobile software developer isn't enjoying his job? He isn't very App-y"

"Over the weekend, the new ""Godzilla"" movie came out. I don't know how Godzilla doesn't hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece."

"what do you call a crappy sock puppet? sock pooppet"

"Hey Dora the Explorer, stop talking to me like I'm a FUCKING RETARD!"

"What do you call a Scottsman with a sniper rifle? Fiction."

"What are calories? Little elves that tighten your waistband on your pants a little every night"

"I told my friend not to cry over spilled milk. I mean come on, just because I spilled boiled milk over her"

"What is my ex girlfriend's favorite hands on day in math class? Manipulatives. god i'm so lonely"

"Chuck Norris Found The Ark Of The Covenant... He Currently Uses It As A Coffee Table."