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Joke of the Day

"My wife called me mean... ... so I called her average."

"smokers have a greater risk of heart disease, stroke and hard-to-hear outdoor phone conversations."

"Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going"

"No really, keep talking. I'm just training for the eyeroll olympics."

"The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language. The rest, as they say, was History."

"I only got one match, but I can make an explosion. And now the government thinks I'm a terrorist."

"What did the statistician say to the hooker as he pulled out his 5.2-inch manhood? ""I heard you suck a mean cock"""

"My daughter wanted me to treat her like a princess So I let her get stolen by a giant, mutant turtle."

"The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can."

"I went to the doctor and said, ""My penis is burning."" He said, ""That means someone is talking about it."" - Garry Shandling. RIP."