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Joke of the Day

"Sharks don't sleep so I'm pretending I'm a shark except one that sings along with Lady Gaga. I'm Lady Sharkshark! Anyway, totally drunk."

"what's the difference between peanut butter and jam you cant peanut butter your way in someones ass"

"Why do cats and dogs lick their own genitals? Because they can reach."

"""This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."""

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza can have ham and cheese together."

"A doctor was listening to a teenage girl's heart ""All right,"" he said, ""take big breaths."" ""What?"" she said. ""Big breaths!"" ""Yeth!"" she said. ""And I'm only thixteen!"""

"Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?"

"I almost did this stupid thing at work where I think for myself."

"Wanna hear a joke? Sanctity of marriage. OH!"

"An American doctor who contracted Ebola is said to be getting better. The bad news is he's getting better at contracting the Ebola virus."