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Joke of the Day

"[airport] ""you should have used a tag"" [a horse emerges on luggage belt] noone else has brought a horse linda [another horse appears] oh FFS"

"Just hit a racist with my car. Probably a racist. I feel like he was. Statistically, very likely. Oh so you think there's no racism problem?"

"My ex is fat!!! Yay...I win!!!"

"Sometimes I wonder how shit life would be if electricity was never invented. I mean it would be terrible having to watch TV by candlelight."

"It's been raining so much, I have begun the construction on my Ark. If you need any help I Noah guy."

"LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied"

"Women belong in the House ...and the Senate"

"Kid: I want to give grandpa tickets to a Michael Jackson show! Dad: you can't, he's been dead for years now, and so is Michael Jackson."

"Every day I thank God for giving me the power to keep being an atheist!"

"Hockey is the only place where Waving your stick in someones face will get you the box."