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Joke of the Day

"LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied"

"All I got for my last birthday was a pack of sticky playing cards. I found it really hard to deal with."

"Jeez make one joke about putting cyanide in someone's food and suddenly they don't want you to cook for them anymore"

"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic? You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."

"Leaked CSI Reno script. Detective: Why did you do it Johnny, why did you shoot him? Psycho-killer: Just to watch him die..."

"Why did John keep on finding cracker crumbs in his bed? His wife didn't know any decent crackers."

"Check for bed bugs by yelling ""Gee, I'm so happy there are no bed bugs here!"", and if you hear faint giggling, set the bed on fire."

"So I'm going down on this homeless woman. And then she wakes up!"

"What do you call a same-sex lion orgy? Gay Pride."

"[chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome"