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Joke of the Day

"I once left a love note on the wrong car, so yeah, you should totally trust me with important paperwork."

"I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something"

"I like my women like I like my viruses. Safely contained on my laptop."

"What is the Revenant about? The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar."

"A man divorced his wife over her love of Adele ""Goodbye. It's you."""

"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage? Feyonce"

"So this guy goes to the Dr. And the Dr says ""You have to stop masturbating."" the guy says ""Why?"" And the Dr says ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything's grey I'm a dog"

"I prayed to God asking him to give me a good husband. And the God did. My husband didn't pray - and he has got me to deal with."

"Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone"