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Joke of the Day

"This gym has a very strict rule no denim jeans or jorts. But if you're 300 lbs of muscle & attitude, apparently it's merely a suggestion."

"Now that pinterest, instagram and netflix are down, I think I'm just going to spend the weekend learning the names of my children."

"We should just rename television viewing ""watching Geico commercials""."

"A cannibal receives a call from his recently found brother. ""What a relief! I thought I passed you on the side of the road the other day."""

"BREAKING NEWS: Overworked Janitor Sweeps the Nation."

"If I had a dollar every time Trump said something stupid. I would have a small loan of a million dollars."

"Your ex is posting passive-aggressive spiritual memes again"

"I probably should kill myself Because I want to leave the same way I came. By my own hand."

"[at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no"

"What do you tell a girl with two black eyes.. nothin! You already told her twice"