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Joke of the Day

"ME: *opens planner and puts on reading glasses* no im sorry looks like i can't make it FRIEND: you're holding a VCR warranty brochure"

"Boss left his email open. Me: *looks around, send email to district manager ""i love you"" Now we wait"

"Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you're outside and they walk by."

"A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19"" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up."

"Dog names What do you name a male dog with no hind legs? Dragonballs."

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."

"*logs on* jesus christ *logs off*"

"at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed"

"Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know."

"How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water they lack taste and they need dough."