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Joke of the Day

"A Spanish magician.. A Spanish magician says to a crowd ""on the count of three, I will vanish into thin air"" he then starts counting ""uno, dos..."" And all of a sudden he vanishes, without a tres."

"I hate when I think of a great tweet and discover someone did it already. It's like that time I invented the wheelbarrow."

"Tell me your best one-liner. I'll start. Scientists have discovered that diarrhea runs in the genes."

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting"

"""I'm in."" - Samuel L. Jackson to every movie pitch he's ever heard"

"""For every action there is an unequal and opposite overreaction."" - Newton's law of the Internet"

"What do you call a random selection of sailors? A seamen sample"

"For some of us the internet should have probably been the best man at our wedding if we were being honest."

"Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise but it's hard to get them to work."

"What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland? A virgin."