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Joke of the Day

"{Working as a bouncer} ID please *looks* Okay you can go *softly kisses their forehead first*"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies!"

"What's the best way to increase the size of your bank balance? Look at it through a magnifying glass."

"The man who invented auto-correct has died. May he restaurant in piece."

"All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates ""I know Hillary can be bought. I have the receipts."""

"kicked out of church. I yelled ""YEAH WE ""HAVE A MARIA"", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD"". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth"

"My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy"

"June was sore. She scolded Ward Cleaver. ""You were awfully hard on the Beaver last night Ward!!"""

"Hey baby, what's your resonance frequency?"

"If I had a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on... I'd be like, ""Why ya'll keep giving me all these dimes?"""