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Joke of the Day

"Always put sunglasses on your tree. Then, you'll get the proper shade."

"Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny? A judge charged him with battery."

"Did you hear about the guy who crushes Pepsi cans with a hydraulic press? It's sodapressing."

"Born Too Late To Explore The Earth, Born too early to explore the galaxy, Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks."

"What do you call a Social Justice Warrior in a society of strippers? The thot police! ^^^^PleaseDon'tBeTooHardOnMe."

"You'll end up real disappointed if you grow up thinking everyone has the same heart as you do."

"What do Michael Jackson and Mervyn's have in common? They're both dead."

"What do you call a russian tree? Dimitree"

"In Heaven Me: I can't believe how much stuff the Bible got wrong Gid: You idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right"

"There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule."