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Joke of the Day

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"Why does Sean Connery suck at DIY? A lack of shelf awareness."

"My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile I told her, ""that's an awfully big word for a six year old""."

"What the difference between a black guy and a donut? One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it"

"Got a buddy who's half Cuban and half Mexican. Came to the U.S. on a raft powered by a weed whacker."

"What is the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on"

"I suffer from premature procrastination. It's when you procrastinate before even receiving a task..."

"If my friends and I torrent in Jamaica Does that make us Pirates of the Caribbean?"

"There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra."

"""There's nothing more beautiful than the birth of a child."" (someone who's never seen the birth of a child)"