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Joke of the Day

"[first date] -so how do you feel about octopus? Her: I like em -Whew! [lets other six arms fall out of shirt]"

"Here lies IcarusIsNotLonely, upon his gravestone lie his last words: ""Oh fuck, a car!"""

"According to movie trailers, 98% of white kids are possessed by the devil."

"Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace"

"Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President... It's only because he's Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power..."

"How do they package bread at the bakery? They baguette."

"*crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks* What do you want? Him-Whatever you want. Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*"

"Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means."

"Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?"

"Did anybody else see the lunar eclipse tonight? I looked, but I couldn't see it."