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Joke of the Day

"A new nightclub has just opened down the road and they are offering free drinks all night for just under 20 quid. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 19.99."

"I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe. ""Naw, found one"""

"why didn't the rabbit like his beer? not enough hops"

"What do blondes do after they comb their hair? They pull up their pants."

"What's the easiest thing to lift with a forklift? A palette."

"4 stages of a relationship: 1) Hand in hand 2) That in hand 3) Hand in that 4) That in that"

"Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow."

"Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!"

"the most awkward time in my life Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger."

"I wanted to be a tailor. But I didn't suit the job."