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Joke of the Day
"What's the easiest thing to lift with a forklift? A palette."
Next Joke
"If you're ever in a room where a doll should happen to come to life it would be prudent to leave that room"
"I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch."
"At first I thought maybe HBO had another vampire show. Then I realized that's just what Steve Buscemi really looks like."
"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"
"Monopoly I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
"Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"My dad died in Auschwitz He was crushed by a man falling out of a guard tower."
"You put 2 fingers in... Maybe 3 if it's big enough... Oh yeah.... Now that's how you wash a mug."