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Joke of the Day
"Vegans who drink water disgust me. That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage."
Next Joke
"People are always mistaking things I say as racist. The other day, this guy thought I called him a 'sand nigger.' But what I said was, 'get out of the sand, nigger. Volleyball is a white man's sport.'"
"its always terifying when im alone in my apartment and i hear a small child's voice say ""hello"" becuase i dread making smalltalk"
"Wife: ""they're disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!"" Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?"
"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."
"A friend confided in me about a peculiar birthmark on his butt. I told his secret to my friends for a laugh. I am Julian AssStrange."
"Gene Hackman is my favorite actor whose name sounds like a job description at Monsanto"
"What's the difference between Vincent van Gogh and Evander Holyfield? Are you serious? I could give you a mouthful."
"What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common? They don't deliver on Sunday"
"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."