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Joke of the Day

"The NSA can see our emails but can they see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

"Actual men and women are extinct. Too many insecure, narcissistic, attention seeking shit lords roam this earth and I want to vomit."

"Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door."

"Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy."

"The school year is like a burrito... After 3 quarters you're full but you have to keep going even though it's all falling apart."

"Why is sleeping the second most favorite activity of people's lives? Because it follows their first favorite activity, sex."

"Your clothes will never forgive you... You always hang them out to dry."

"Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. It's simple meth."

"What's the best angle to approach any challenge? Try-Angle."

"Given how many times I've been poked, Googled, and deep crawled, you'd think I'd have a lot more to brag about."