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Joke of the Day
"Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less."
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"How to get fucked up in bakery? Get creampied."
"What's Donald Trump's least favorite music band of all time? Foreigner."
"Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns."
"There are two types of countries in the world.... Those who use the metric system, and those who have a successful space program."
"Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I'd be obsessed with you too."
"I think I met a medieval water snake But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream. It was totally Sir Eel."
"The good news is, it turns out there is literally nothing we can say here that will ruin our chances at a political career."
"In honor of the Million Muslim March... What do you get when you add a million lesbians to the Million Man March? Two million people that don't do dick."
"My 9 year old daughter just beat me at Wii baseball... I'll bet she's on the juice."