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Joke of the Day

"The good news is, it turns out there is literally nothing we can say here that will ruin our chances at a political career."

"What's an Israeli ghetto called? Palestine."

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"What has 40 teeth and holds a monster at bay? My zipper."

"I dont pretend to be anything I'm not.. Except for sober I've pretended to be sober a few times"

"Why did Donald Trump win the Republican nomination? Don Rickles is dead."

"Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener."

"[soldier dying in my arms] ""You take this & you give it to my wife."" ""No [pushes watch back to soldier] she lives really far away from me."""

"Romeo and Juliet is Not a Love Story... It's a 3-Day relationship between a 13 year-old and a 17 year-old that caused 6 Deaths. Sincerely, everyone who actually Read it."

"What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day? A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk."