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Joke of the Day

"My 9 year old daughter just beat me at Wii baseball... I'll bet she's on the juice."

"I like my men like I like my coffee... I don't like coffee."

"Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it the fcuk off?"

"I always feel like I'm wasting a text message whenever I respond with just ""K."" Now I write ""Potassium"" instead."

"Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight. It was a pretty brazen act of violence."

"What does a vulture bring onto a plane? Carrion luggage"

"The tennis factory near me got closed down after local residents complained... Apparently they were making a racquet."

"I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong."

"Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working..."

"Don't you just hate when people reply with ""This?"" This."