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Joke of the Day

"To ensure that my wife will truly miss me when I go on trips, right before I leave I put a few spiders in the bedroom."

"There are 10 types of people in the world Those who get binary and those who don't."

"My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos"

"Rumors are that Harry Styles is BiSexual according to a recent interview I hear they're going to change the name of the band to 'Both Directions'"

"Did you hear about the grizzly who didn't like his daughter wearing a crop top? He disapproved of her exposing her bear midriff."

"*wakes at 3am* *sits in dark* *jingles chains & scratches walls* *waits for everyone to be so creeped out they can't sleep & we open gifts*"

"What is white and gold and black and blue? A blonde in a physically abusive relationship. See you guys in hell."

"Why I don't joke about politicians? Because I don't joke about jokes."

"I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. ""I'm not a clown!"" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest."

"Guy: What do you do? Me: I tell jokes on Twitter G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself? Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes"