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Joke of the Day

"My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos"

"You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror. (I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)"

"If you think I'm flirting with you, I'm just being friendly. If you think I'm weird and I make you uncomfortable, I'm flirting with you."

"Closed letter to the Mods of /r/Jokes O"

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same."

"So ISIS attacker hid IEDs inside his rectum and detonated it.. What was the last thing that went through this terrorist mind? His ass of course lol. P.s. This is from a true story"

"Never marry a tennis player Love means nothing to them"

"How to play the Michael Brown drinking game Just stand there and take the 8 shots."

"What are the differences and similarities of flint michigan and the walking dead universe? They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars."

"Remember when we used to call the ""self check-out"" - 'Theft'?"