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Joke of the Day

"A little boy comes running to his mother.. ""I went into the bathroom and the light came on without me touching anything!"" ""Oh you idiot, you've pissed in the fucking fridge again."""

Next Joke
 
"I wrote ""except zombies"" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse."
"What do you call a really expensive tombstone? A R.I.P off."
"Parole officer: Come in and take a seat [me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*"
"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"
"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."
"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""
"What is a Trump supporters favourite exercise? White power walking!"
"""We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy... ...but because it is cheesy."""
"I hate bikes that carry two people. I can't tandem."