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Joke of the Day

"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."

"What's a nice guys favorite type of wood? M'hogany"

"Jared Fogle gets sentenced 15 1/2 years in prison At least he'll still be able to enjoy footlongs"

"[Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition."

"Mexican Magician There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, ""On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!"" ""Uno!"" ""Dos!"" POOF! He disappeared without a tres!"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. (read it out loud if you do not get it)."

"ME: Tall, dark, toilet-trained. YOU: Pizza."

"What do you call a camel with three humps? pregnant"

"What's nine inches long, has a bright purple top, and made my wife cry when I fed it to her after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth"

"My retirement plan is to die young and broke."