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Joke of the Day

"What does the alchemist do to please his girlfriend? Elixir."

"The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now."

"You got acute appendicitis .. No, YOU got a cute appendicitis *winks at doctor*"

"I came home to find my apartment covered in feathers and egg.... ... I think I've got a poultrygeist!"

"Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary? Because you left before I even finished my sentence"

"You wanna mess with me, pal? You wanna mess with the saddest man in town? I've got a whole crew of sad boys just waiting to burst into tears"

"Love is not a game. If you think it is, then you're not playing it right."

"What's the best joke you've ever come up with? Here's mine. >What's Pee-wee Herman's favorite dinner? >Stroganoff."

"i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed i'll call it 'glazed and confused'."

"2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party."