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Joke of the Day

"The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now."

"I wish a girl would give me a chance so that I can finally disappoint someone besides my parents."

"What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits your windshield? Its butt."

"What do a telephone and a dog have in common? They both have collar ID."

"What did the pope give up for lent? His job."

"My wife always tells me not to take things personally, so I hired a guy to do it for me. He already stole a bike."

"I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'"

"Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider."

"If eye-rolling burned calories, women would never have to diet."

"The Little Mermaid (1989) The story of a girl who realizes that she should change EVERYTHING about herself to land a good man..."