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Joke of the Day

"Girl Vs Boy Conversation Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"I made a joke up!!! Two midgets walk into a bar. edit: sorry I didn't set the bar very high for this joke. edit2: don't' worry- they're ok."

"[hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted"

"Everyone is normal until you find their Twitter."

"Chemist have an unpopular view on alcohol... They say it's a solution."

"ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown."

"I like my men like I like my packets of instant oatmeal: Chunky and knowledgeable with facts about dinosaurs."""

"What do you do when someone has a seizure in the bathtub? Throw in your laundry!"

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"

"Her: *leaving seductively, slowly dragging fingertip across countertop* Mgr: What'd she want? Me: nothing. Mgr: Where're all the donuts?"