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Joke of the Day

"Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album."

"Have you heard about the masochist who likes taking a cold shower every morning? So he has a hot one instead."

"I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it."

"Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. Don't over-share. HI I'M A NERVOUS POOPER. ... Nailed it!"

"I like it soft and warm. Uh huh. Yea girl, go ahead and throw that figgy pudding in the microwave for a bit."

"""Me llamo Pedro,"" said no Juan ever."

"The New 20 dollar bill I have a serious question for you guys. If a woman gets payed $.75 for every dollar a man gets payed, does that mean that the $20 dollar bill will only be worth $15?"

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"""I was born in California............ ""I was born in California."" ""Which part?"" ""All of me."""

"New Parent Idea: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest. 2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10."