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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the masochist who likes taking a cold shower every morning? So he has a hot one instead."

"Why is Santa Claus so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas."

"Customs Police: Do you have anything to claim? Me: A hot dog is a sandwich. Cop: ""Please step out of the vehicle"""

"I just had sex with a pregnant girl and told my buddies I had a threesome"

"My dick is so big that if I laid it out on the keyboard... ...I would probably be escorted out of the Mac store."

"What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"There's probably only 7 people on earth who actually know what they're doing during the whole smelling, swirling and sipping wine thing."

"Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying ""Bach, bach, bach"""

"P Diddy or P Didn't he?"

"A married man and his friend are talking. Friend: how's your daughter? Man: we haven't had one yet. Friend: after last night, you will in 9 months."