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Joke of the Day

"I like it soft and warm. Uh huh. Yea girl, go ahead and throw that figgy pudding in the microwave for a bit."

"If you name a baby Barbara, the baby turns 50 years old immediately."

"I challenge you to a battle of wits at high noon! Do you accept? Yes you say?! Well consider yourself mentally challenged."

"Giving my liver a Rocky Balboa style pep talk"

"What do you call it when you kill someone with your bad breath from a long distance away? No scope"

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? Ivanka didn't keep the dress"

"Why did the Hipster burn his lip? He drank coffee before it was cool."

"If there's 'Extra Virgin' olive oil, there has to be a 'Dirty Slut' variety as well"

"You know, I really didn't need to scratch my balls today at all. Not once - said no man EVER"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, ""Hey, you know we have a drink named after you?"" The grasshopper says, ""You serve a drink called Irving?"""