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Joke of the Day

"13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled. Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down. Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE."

"I can feel you getting distant from me; my only wish for you is that your destination is oncoming traffic."

"What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam"

"My biggest fears are: -running out of chocolate -running out of coffee -running out of toilet paper -running"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? Its cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

"Don't just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair"

"My penis was in a Guinness Book Of Records... ...but then they threw me out of the library."

"How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook? She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece."

"Did you know that commas can change the meaning of a sentence? For example : Mr.Walter is in a comma"

"What do you call a really pompous person with high blood pressure? Hyperpretentious"