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Joke of the Day

"911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean ""your""? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean ""murdered"" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]"

"A Cannibals's Dinner Party If a cannibal is throwing a dinner party, don't show up late. Otherwise you'll get the cold shoulder."

"Coworker: What was your college major? Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy."

"What do you call a racist 19th century artist? Oppressionist"

"I keep trying to e-mail Mubarak, but all I get is ""Out of Office""."

"Why was the man arrested for having his skin flute played? It was in A-minor"

"Me: Daughters, dude. Driving me crazy, you know? Him: Yeah. Me: Want another juice box, bro? Him: Yeah. 3 year-old neighbor boy gets me."

"Don't ever let a chiropractor tell u a joke. It'll hit your funny bone."

"Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan"

"I'm really good at making jazzy versions of rap songs in my bathroom but I don't know how to put that on my resume so I'll just demonstrate?"