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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fight between an Illegal Immigrant and a Pedophile? Alien vs Predator"

"Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them."

"At this point I'm a little offended the lady at #Chipotle still asks what I want. This is my 4th burrito today. Bitch, I know you know me."

"There was this cute girl next to me and I missed a lot of obvious signals... We both ended up dying from the car crash."

"""Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated"" - how a kid talks shit in 2015"

"My high must be wearing off, because that cop car that pulled me over 20 minutes ago is starting to look like a house with Christmas lights."

"""Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you're terrible at this."" - piece of popcorn stuck between teeth."

"How many Emos does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter because there is no light, only dark."

"i can't wait til my boyfriend breaks up with me im gonna eat so much ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D"

"Criminal Tip: Buy a gun from a guy off the streets. As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back. Free gun."