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Joke of the Day

"i can't wait til my boyfriend breaks up with me im gonna eat so much ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D"

"My stepdad hates it when I call him Bernie... He's really sensitive a about his scars..."

"Just breathe and eat a banana. Everything will be OK."

"my chemistry always told me ""if you're not part of the solution..... then you're part of the precipitate"""

"See a penny pick it up... All day long you'll have.... A nagging feeling that the previous owner wasn't a ""hand washer""."

"They say the best way to prepare your kids for loss in later life is to have pets. So I bought a puppy and shot it in front of them. I'm not having my kids growing up damaged."

"I'm that asshole who puts an ""o"" at the end of a word and calls it Spanish."

"Do you think Rick Astley ever just busts into places unexpectedly? He could."

"I haven't seen the U.S. drop two on Japan that quickly since 1945"

"[Dumbledore gets hit with Avada Kedavra] HOUSE MD: I think he had lupus."