62504

Joke of the Day

"My high must be wearing off, because that cop car that pulled me over 20 minutes ago is starting to look like a house with Christmas lights."

"Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres just drowned? They found her face down in Ricki Lake"

"What have Margret Thatcher and Jimmy Saville got in common?(NSFW) They both fucked miners(minors) in the 1980s"

"My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother's cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species."

"I lost 130 pounds of useless fat! Divorce is great!"

"How to talk to a good girl and bad girl When you talk to a good girl, ask 'How are you?' When you talk to a bad girl, ask 'How much are you?'"

"Nice guys finish last Which is quite unfortunate, given that nice guys finish last"

"My mom says I look just like my father. It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman."

"I spent 69 years making memes in a musty dungeon. They were pretty dank."

"what if donald trump has secretly been banksy the entire time"