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Joke of the Day

"""Sir, it appears the bomb was hidden in the Japanese man's beer!"" ""Looks like the killer... BREW his mind."""

"Virgins They never gave a fuck."

"On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election."

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop."

"How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing? HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!"

"In our wedding, I'll invite his ex and be like ""Still believe you can get him back?"""

"I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?"

"What is an over protective German father's favorite game? Sudoku a game of neins!"

"What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going."

"*spills water on pants* ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants ""hey what happ--"" MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL"