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Joke of the Day

"*smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?"

"What makes a ISIS joke funny? The execution."

"You're never too old to learn stupid shit."

"Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night."

"If she takes off her heels to chase you, then you better call the police while you still can."

"For my new tattoo, I'm totally getting a chest piece of a chess piece, cause its fun to be a pun."

"What are the similarities between fat chicks and bricks? they both get laid by mexicans"

"Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept"

"The Hillary Phone Just like the Obama Phone, but it deletes all of your emails."

"Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling."