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Joke of the Day

"Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling."

"Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites? Because they can lie about their age!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cat ! Cat who ? Cat you understand !"

"My small child told me his opinion on politics and I disowned him for being a nerd"

"Why did Johnny teach the cockatoo to do a front flip? So he could say he flipped the bird. ^I'm^not^very^good^at^these"

"Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there"

"Guy told me I have ""Bambi eyes""...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother."

"opinion - 3.14 = onion"

"What do you call it when a non-binary gendered couple has a legal dispute over custody of their children? A transparency review."

"How to get laid: Step 1: Be an egg Step 2: That's literally it"