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Joke of the Day

"I want to be a ""cool"" uncle, so I let my nephew play with all the things I wasn't allowed to when I was his age. Mostly knives and bleach."

"Prankcalling the NSA like is my refrigerator running?"

"What's brown and sticky? A poop."

"Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ash."

"Online guy: wanna chat I'm 9 inches Me: i'm 58 you would barely reach the middle of my shin how could we hold hands on our wedding day"

"My girlfriend reacts to 'sex night' the way a 6 year old does to 'bath night'"

"A guy walks into a bar holding a dog poop... he says ""hey guys, look what I almost stepped in"""

"The movie spoiler you won't be able to avoid this Xmas! It turns out Alvin is Theodore's FATHER!"

"I guess I'll go to your party but answer the next question VERY CAREFULLY: will there be a cheese tray"

"Today at work, at my desk, my boss offered me a handjob... It's okay though, I'm self employed."