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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook."

"Q: In church, why do they sing hymns and not hers? A: they're misogynists"

"What did one druid say to the other? Bear with me..."

"VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he's getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?"

"I saw a pink bird with a sore throat. Must have been a phlegmingo."

"[Leaving ballgame] Officer: have you been drinking? Me: Yes, but I assure you officer I can't afford to get drunk there."

"My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving! This is a new low..."

"Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair? Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud"

"How many Vietnam Veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!"

"Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It's basically everywhere now."