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Joke of the Day

"VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he's getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Lukewarm and bitter."

"Did you know i DJ? Yeah, but I only do it every unce in a while."

"Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard."

"I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, ""Dad, you look like a lobster."" ""Oh no,"" I replied, ""Am I burning?"" She said, ""No. Just very ugly."""

"I suggested a threesome to my girlfriend. ""That's fine,"" she said, ""Just not with another girl."" ""OK then, I'll call up James and Daniel."" I replied."

"So I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should've put it on Aloha temperature."

"What do you call someone who failed rehab? Back on crack"

"My favorite Spice Girl was Coriander Connie. (She was crushed by a falling air conditioner before their first album came out)"