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Joke of the Day

"Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today! I got a note on my windshield that said ""Parking Fine""."

"The movie Interstellar was so deep that.. Adele was rolling in it"

"When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym."

"What do you call an angry pirate? P-irate"

"What is the only type of folder that can make you sick? Salmon Manilla"

"Today I asked my mom what she did for a living, she replied ""I'm a headmaster"". To which my dad replied ""yeah she is"""

"Best pick up line I've ever heard Would you mind holding my beer while I go take a shit? ....If she is still standing there. She's a keeper!"

"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con""...... Then the opposite of ""progress"" would be ""congress"" I^will^see^myself^out"

"What did the cannibal do to his girlfriend? Eat her out."

"I signed a petition to end women's suffering yesterday. Oops. Sorry: autocorrect. *suffrage."