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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a penis and a Christmas present? You wrap the present *after* you put it in the box."

"While you're busy staring at your phone flirting, your bored and neglected spouse is probably out fcuking someone else for real."

"Snowballs Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers? They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right."

"Why do they call it Almond Milk? Because if they called it Nut Juice nobody would buy it."

"My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don't know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it's not."

"Have you heard any good jokes about Indian food? I haven't, because there's naan.^Ba ^da^Tsssss"

"I caught a big fish! I was going to mount it, but there were people around! Source: Emo Philips"

"Has anyone seen the movie Constipated? No? Thats because it never came out..."

"3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!"