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Joke of the Day

"New studies show 9/10 people enjoy gang rape."

"I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can"

"An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody."

"Saw a guy scratch his balls and then he made eye contact with me as he smelled his fingers. Probably took 8 years off my life."

"How much cash could the cash cab cache if the cash cab could cache cab?"

"I live life by 3 rules: 1- Get ripped. 2- Stay ripped. 3- Live in denial so that life is bearable."

"I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do."

"Wanna Hear a Joke My Ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER... Ge-Get because marriage is such a terrible thing. -Grucle Stan"

"Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job."

"A priest, rapist, and a pedophile comes into a bar... He then sits down and buys a beer"