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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me The Love Machine' because I'm terrible at tennis."

"I went to the zoo this past weekend. The only animal they had was a dog... it was a shih tzu."

"Why does Pinocchio tell lies? Because he's a fucking liar."

"Today I had a three way with two women It was quite the conference call."

"Did you hear about the tornado that swept through the cemetery? Hundreds dead."

"Smart White Boy OPTIONAL (text)"

"Blair Walsh tried to commit suicide after the game But he couldn't even kick the chair out from under himself"

"If Edward Snowden worked at a grocery market.. *Loudspeaker* Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4 Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly"

"On your deathbed tell everyone ""pray for me"" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says ""pray harder next time"""

"The N word. What do you call a bus full of niggers under the ocean with 1 empty seat ? A crying shame"